Michael Mann was given a cast of superstar actors and a story made for the big screen and absolutely did not waste it. While some may feel cheated out of a possible epic, action-packed thriller, don't allow the summer release date to fool you. Public Enemies is a real film and takes itself seriously while remaining an entertaining look into a momentous time in American history. Are people going to leave the theater jaw dropped, wanting to see it again right away? Likely not. But it is a movie that will last for a while with the viewer, trying to decipher the meaning behind it. Mann does not give everything to you in plain sight. Instead is a film with brilliant dialogue and well-executed one-liners. There is humor without pushing for humor. There is some kind of emotion hidden behind the portrayals of cold, calculated, and confident men who do not reveal emotion. Every performance was solid, most specifically Marion Cotillard's.

You see, there CAN be more to a movie than overdramatizations of events with cold hard facts. The beauty of this story lay within the research. Every detail is practically stripped from pages of FBI files. The dedication to fact is evident and for proof you need go no further than the files themselves. Were liberties taken within the story? Sure, but the only factual misnomer came with the murder of Pretty Boy Floyd, which technically occurred after Dillinger's death. But this small change gave the audience unfamiliar with Melvin Purvis (Christian Bale) a necessary reference to his ability as an agent.

                                                    

Most importantly, the movie does not draw from gangster movies we've already seen. It created an original portrayal of a common genre with famous characters. Public Enemies did not get caught up in the hype of having a big-name cast, but simply soaked in the elegance of their performances. There were so many opportunities to turn this into a gangster version of Ocean's 11 with all the heists and escapes. Whereas it would have made for a REALLLLY COOL movie, in the end, I'm glad they stayed away. It was a genius plan to actually put a solid film in the middle of summer with two (arguably three) hugely bankable names and a renowned director.

Overall, Mann impressed me by keeping the movie a mirror of Dillinger's personality - a cunning and romanticized version of an overpopularized character who never really TRIED to bask in glory, but simply fill his bathtub with people's adoration for him. He'd rather sit quietly in a crowded theater soaking in others' fascination with him than make a scene and spectacle of it all. This is what makes his short-lived relationship with Baby Face Nelson such a ripple in his style throughout the film. The subtle smirks of Depp's Dillinger reminded us of his unprecedented self-confidence. Bale's subtlety and cold emotion were that of a man who believed he would get his man (the motto of the FBI's early years), but simply did not express himself charismatically. Really, any actor could have played Purvis, but Bale gave an extra dose of importance as he always does with his characters. Still, in the end, I'm becoming increasingly concerned with the roles Bale is taking and it is overshadowing his fantastic acting ability. Either way, he did a decent job as Purvis, but not a memorable one like Depp or Marion Cotillard's Billie Frechette. What a fantastic performance there. Although her accent bothers me like Gerard Butler's (star of 300) mangled voice, it resonates some kind of timeliness in Public Enemies. It fits her characters lack of true identity. She and Depp don't speak much on screen together, with Dillinger doing most of the talking. But what they say is always perfect. You want to know how to pick up a woman (well, maybe in the 1930s), watch Dillinger's every move on Frechette. Their relationship grew to be a great sub-plot, as opposed to a forced love arc.

                                                            
The details Mann put into the surrounding scenery should not go unrecognized. But the fact that it goes relatively unnoticed is another testament to his filmmaking. Instead of bastardizing the 1930s set design, he simply allows it to be there. You won't really notice it unless you are looking. and part of this is due to his frequent close up shots. Another part being that Chicago still has a sensation of that time period and isn't tough to dress up. I have always been a fan of Mann's use of digital cameras. His movies feel more real and engaging. Sure, some shots get shaky, and people will complain, but it doesn't bother me at all. I see what I need to see.

                                               
                            Photo I took of the real Biograph Theater as it stands today (only a couple blocks from my apartment)

The score was well performed, but poorly executed at times. There were a handful of abrupt and unsettling cuts from the music that was driving a prior scene. Most significantly in the final scene of the film, a simple fade out would have sufficed. I wasn't blown away by most of the music except for the final scene when I needed to be and an eerie sequence in which Dillinger walks right into the"lion's den." It's a chilling scene and I won't get into detail. It is an amazingly riveting scene and I couldn't stop smirking. It brings suspense at a surprising moment of the film. Overall, Mann just has great taste in music. Like Audioslave's Shadow On The Sun in Collateral, here he used Otis Taylor's Ten Million Slaves as a sort of anthem song to really drive the excitement level up a bit during bank robberies.

Public Enemies combined a number of my favorite aspects in filmmaking in a time (mid-summer) where this type of big budget project is rare. Michael Mann's films are unique in not only their appearance, but the combination of emotion, character-driven drama, and action. This film was no different from his past engaging and passionately researched films. Do yourself a favor and read up on John Dillinger, so when you do see Public Enemies you get a sense for just how unfabricated this portrayal is. Johnny Depp's performance is as close to perfect as you'll see in a movie like this and the rest of the cast doesn't disappoint. Amazing that Johnny Depp still has no Oscars, isn't it? Finally, we've been given a gangster movie different from all the rest. While some may not love Public Enemies, they are missing the big picture. They are missing a movie that is it's own type of experience and transports you in the mid 1930s without shoving it in your face. Don't expect a Transformers 2 romp of action and loud music, but instead, dish out the $8-$10 and enjoy a complete and well-done film.

out of 5 trophies

                          ***Ed. note— Moon has moved to #22 on my all-time movie list***

Finally, amidst all this overhyped, testosterone-charged, mindless bullshit of a summer movie calendar comes a film that is not only tremendously well put together, but also unique. Moon has shades of the solitude of I Am Legend mixed with the insanity of The Shining. But most importantly is the unsurprisingly impressive performance by the lead Sam Rockwell. Normally, you don't hear a lot about character development in sci-fi films, but this is hardly about big effects and non-stop action. While I find it difficult to call Moon a character piece, it is driven entirely by the journey you experience with our main character. Rockwell plays one of the more diverse (literally) roles in recent cinematic history. The many layers of his performance echo throughout the film. But at the end of the day, what truly made Moon an exceptional film was Clint Mansell's score.

ROCKWELL'S PERFORMANCE: If you are new to Sam Rockwell, I highly recommend you set aside a day to simply watch his work. From Matchstick Men to Choke, he pulls off characters not many, if any, Hollywood stars can make work. There is a disgusting nature about his crude language and scruffy appearance that creates a sense of realism and humanity to all of his characters. Yet, all the while, Rockwell continues to provide dry humor and sarcasm to keep any audience focused on his performance, wondering what he will do or say next. There is a consistency in his ability to portray self-destructive behavior in a repulsive, yet compelling way. In Moon, Rockwell captures a number of different "characters" and tosses them into a single performance. Moon is a complicated experience. One in which you will undoubtedly be questioning what you just saw when leaving the theater. It stuck with me for days, and I genuinely want to go back. In a new era of filmmaking where unique and thought-provoking (not propaganda-inducing) films are few and far between, the ones that focus on these qualities are getting better and better. Sam Rockwell's performance was barely overshadowed by the amazing music of the film.

MANSELL'S SCORE: Music and movies need each other more than any other combination in entertainment. Films are simply boring, no matter the plot, without a strong musical background accompanying what we see on screen. I recently discussed Hans Zimmer and John Williams as being the two greatest movie composers of all time, and I stand by that. But on my list, Clint Mansell is always number three. His scores have haunted me throughout films such as Requiem For a Dream, The Fountain, and The Wrestler. There is something about the simplicity of his music that drives the movies with which he works. There is a certain engrossing quality about his beats that become a character of their own in films like Moon. The solitude of the movie, taking place entirely on the moon, needed the touch of a Clint Mansell. His music is simple, yet complex, in its use of a seemingly basic piano key. But it haunts you. It lasts beyond the film. And in its own quiet, melancholic way, it adds intensity and suspense to everything it touches.


While the leadership of rookie director (and son of David Bowie) Duncan Jones brought reminders of the first-time brilliance of Sam Mendes' breakout film American Beauty, it was the support around him that propelled Moon to elite status. Rockwell was fantastic. Mansell's score was superb. And the welcome addition of Kevin Spacey as the voice of GERTY, the film's benevolent robot support system seen in most every futuristic space film, is anything but a cop-out. Throughout the entire film you are questioning in the back of your mind the integrity and intentions of GERTY, wondering what he is really trying to do in the scheme of this plot. And you will not be disappointed by Moon's take on a character that's been done time and again. Although most of you don't know much about this movie, it will soon be expanded to many cities nationally. Hopefully you get a chance to see Moon and if you agree with my taste in movies at all, you will NOT be disappointed. Even with only "one" actor on screen 98% of the time, Moon is a film dug out of the depths of Hollywood that somehow found its way onto the big screen without being tampered with or bogged down.

4.5 / 5 TROPHIES

Watching Transformers 2 must be what it's like to watch two gorgeous women fistfight at a bar as glass shatters, sirens blare, people scream, and immature onlookers make untimely and corny jokes. Meanwhile, people mindlessly throw their money at the video footage making it the undeserving "hit" it never should have been. I can't think of a better metaphor, so stick with that one. Michael Bay's follow-up to his unexpectedly impressive movie about toys has its moments, but overall is as weak as a Wheat Thin. It feels like a mish-mash of his older, better movies after somebody with questionable brain capacity wiped his butt with all the scripts, taped them together and handed it in. I would be absolutely ashamed to attach my name to a movie of this caliber, UNLESS I am in the visual design corner of Transformers (or Michael Bay's financial advisor). On numerous occasions, Revenge of the Fallen made me doubt my passion to become a part of the industry. But shortly after I reminded myself that I seek to distract audiences from mindless eye candy like this. Transformers 2 is further proof that studios should never rush a script and need to restrain themselves better.

                                                                         THE GOOD

Shia LaBeouf: Once again, this kid is a genius with words. I've always said it and he continues to back me up, that the young star of Even Stevens can take any script and inject life and passion into his characters in a believable way. Every word he speaks in film feels true and I would hang on each one. He is a rich man and deservedly so, but I am disappointed that LaBeouf has fallen into the trap of "action star" and can't seem to find his way into true drama. When you think about his resume of roles, he rarely takes gambles with characters and it's a sad sight. I Robot, Disturbia, Transformers 1 & 2, Indiana Jones 5. These are his major roles. If you missed Shia in The Greatest Game Ever Played, you'll see his depth as an actor, but you won't because it's a weak movie and you just now heard of it. What a waste of talent.

Visual Spectacle: There's not much to be said about how gorgeous TF2 is on the big screen. I can imagine the IMAX Experience is even more jaw-dropping, but this is to be expected by now. It's 2009 and movies are coming up (like James Cameron's Avatar) that will once again change the industry and introduce a new world of visual effects. Either way, TF2 is a masterpiece of digital imagery and Michael Bay has always had great lighting and cinematography.

The U.S. Military: Michael Bay got the green light to use whatever military equipment he desired and boy did he take advantage. I thought nothing would make a grander show of the United States war machine than his very own Pearl Harbor, but he has made it a true challenge to make a badass war epic now. Our military looks like a never-ending canvas of beautiful machinery with badass soldiers and awesome tactical decisions, with an apparent movie-necessity moron bureaucrat.

The Who Is Hotter? Debate: I won't get into it, but I had a pleasant time trying to decide if the "new girl" in the movie was actually sexier than Megan Fox. Talk amongst yourselves.

THE TERRIBLE

There really is not enough time in your day for me to list all that is wrong with this movie, so allow me to condense it for you (you'll laugh at that comment when I'm through). In no specific order and with no real journalistic pattern, please enjoy some reasons I couldn't stand this movie...*To be read at a high rate of speed, similar to that of me yelling this at my keyboard!

It felt like a copy of Armageddon in every way...The dialogue was atrocious, and at times, completely insulting to the viewer and stereotypical to a fault. Actually, it was arguably racist (see gold-toothed, Southern-accented, twin Autobots)...The plot was impossible to follow...The parents have become an overused gag. The pot brownies scene with the mom was outlandish, although funny at times...Ridiculous subplots include: The whole "I Love You" thing, the entire college roommate's existence in the movie (did girls really need more eye candy?), the fact that the military still uses "normal" weaponry against these robots, the entire robot cover-up (which is ludicrous in this day and age), and Megan Fox's white jeans staying clean no matter what (James Bond-esque?)...PRINCETON IS INHABITED ONLY BY INSANELY BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE AND IS A CRAZY PARTY SCHOOL WHERE THESE PARTIES (full of 18 year olds, by the way) SEEM TO BE FUNDED BY P. DIDDY...Michael Bay has absolutely no capability to hold back with anything in this movie. Where this has been good for his action in the past, it was overwhelmingly annoying in T2...Bay used Barack Obama as the President instead of just a fictional one apparently because he "met him in an airport at one point in his life." Well, if you are going to create an obviously fictional world set in present day, either use real politicians or don't. Don't mix the two. It's f—-ing annoying when Obama is President and then they use some clearly fake White House speaker. Why not just use Obama stock footage?...If you love your boyfriend and your dad is a no-good repeat prisoner, why in god's name would you NOT follow your man to college? I'm sorry, but you can be a car mechanic anywhere Mikaela...The entire "cheating on her" sequence was stupid to say the least. But i was pleased to see her understand the situation so easily. Most movie girls see a glimpse of some wrongdoing totally out of context and assume the worst, only never to speak to the man again without allowing any sort of explanation...Nothing makes me more angry than movie characters sporting canes and limps and other physical faults only to later be masterful in combat and use the cane with ease as a weapon. If you need a cane, you would not be able to fight...I hate this one with a passion. If we need further "evidence" of something, like a cane for an old robot or camels to show its Egypt and not Vegas, then don't even bother with anything at all...So happy to see Dwight Schrute make an appearance as the Princeton professor, but after the scene I was simply annoyed. Explain a college Astronomy professor whose first-day lecture is composed entirely of sexual wink-winks to his absurdly good-looking students, especially considering the "Dean" was present...I have no idea how this movie made it under an R-rating as they say plenty of foul language including "pussy", "bitch" (directly towards a female), "shit," etc...I honestly got tired during the film. Even DURING action scenes it got boring...THE MUSIC! Oh, the music. It fell by the wayside. Something that made the original Transformers so awesome was the intense and prevalent music throughout. Instead, I hardly noticed it and to me, music is a crucial aspect of a great film. Especially action.



Overall, Transformers 2 looked like a rushed studio-forced project that had a budget only used to return big-name actors and enahcne an already visually perfect film. I love the first Transformers, but I think now that was because I was so surprised by it. I know sequeuls are hard to do, but lately we've been proven wrong by big-budget follow-ups. I went in hoping to see Michael Bay pull a Bad Boys 2 (also reference in the movie in embarassing fashion) and create a sequel with bigger, badder, faster action and guess what? I GOT IT! So why am I so upset? Because it felt like somebody took my matinee movie ticket and gave me paper cuts all over my body for the entire 150 minutes of the film. I'm genuinely happy to hear that Michael Bay has decided to move away from the Transforermers franchise. Thanks man. You're doing us all a favor!

  out of 5 trophies
 

                        
                                        Day 1- Not bad, but we can do better! Click the photo to add more


I'm taking a break from movies today to tell you about an important event coming up. I'll be training vigorously over the next four months in preparation for one of the most ridiculous undertakings of my life. In my short time on Earth I've been able to experience a handful of life-changing events most people take 50 years to see. Some have been good and some bad, but all have changed me in some way. I'll add yet another event when Esch and I venture into the unknown (to us, at least) of Glacier National Park this July. But the big news is what will go down in October. As fall winds down, 45,000 runners of all skill levels will take to the streets of Chicago and run 26.2 miles. The same distance a Greek messenger named Pheidippides ran from Marathon to Athens to tell his government of the victory over Persia (only to die minutes later). On a brighter note, there is a way for you to be involved in my latest attempt at accomplishing the unexpected. DONATE!

                                                               
With four months to prepare, there is one important aspect that I need your help to finish. The Tug McGraw Foundation has set a goal of $2,500 for me to raise by October 11th. I don't have any doubt my family and friends will come through for me, but that's not the goal here. Let's work together and raise the most money of anybody representing the Tug McGraw Foundation. Even better, how about the most of anybody running for any charity in the marathon? A tall task, but we can do this. This foundation is a great addition to the astounding number of organizations created to help cure and prevent brain tumors. But it is more than that. Tug McGraw's family has set up something that focuses on improving the quality of life for people dying of a deadly cancer that is rarely reversed. Watching my father fight through this same illness and putting every ounce of effort in his mind and body to defeat NOT the disease, but the quitting attitude it tries to bestow on its victims. He continued tirelessly on his government work to improve the quality of America's health care system and the research it explored. The correlations between my father's work and passion with what the Tug McGraw Foundation strives to achieve is astounding and should not go unnoticed. This is why I feel so proud to run for such an organization and hope to raise an unprecedented amount of money to improve it. Help me by donating any amount you can. Please click the link below to add to my marathon fundraising. Thank you for your support and be sure to keep your eyes peeled as I will be running with the Kenyans working my tail off to finish these 26.2 miles in the best shape of my life.


    

                                  
                                                                Is our movie really this bad!? YES!
                                        —Is it just me or does this look like an image from Deal Or No Deal?

Imagine the last two hours of an on-and-off relationship, just as it's all about to hit the fan. Right from the get-go you know it's going to get bumpy. Then she starts babbling on about how you used to love her and now all you do is complain. Meanwhile, you sit back in your comfy chair wondering when the hell this is going to end and why you can't just end it. Noooo, you have to wait for her to end it (for the sake of this analogy) and every moment of these two hours she spends making your life a living hell so that she feels like the winner is more agonizing than the one before it. This is Land Of The Lost. This is also Will Ferrell's movie career.

I nearly left the theater on 10 different occasions. I am not lying or exaggerating here. But I felt it was my duty as a movie lover/reviewer to not only get my money's worth, but stay until the bitter end. And stay I did. Let me say this, I ran to the movie theater (part of my training for the Chicago Marathon). Four miles of running, with the intention of sitting back and enjoying a funny movie while my body recovers. Instead, every part of me wanted to sprint home to write this review. If my body would allow it, that would be the case. Instead, I spent a good hour or however long it took during my walk home contemplating the awfulness of the movie.

What a terrible excuse for a comedy. Some people may argue that Will Ferrell has lost his touch. Sure, he doesn't always make hit comedies, but at least he is slightly humorous in the attempts. Here, I wager anybody to actually find five scenes in which they genuinely laugh at anything Ferrell does. It's not that his jokes or gags were worn out, it's that there were NONE THERE. For some unbelievable reason, the writers decided to make this an unfunny movie. The number of times Ferrell or other cast members uttered words that they probably didn't even know the meaning of could only be counted on a calculator. Even the always reliable Danny McBride was disappointing. There was a certain humor to the things he did throughout the film that only made me laugh because I was thinking of his Kenny Powers character. In hindsight, nobody was funny. Nobody at all. The stupid monkey character was almost as aggravating as Jar-Jar Binks. The inexplicable ability for our female lead to understand his dialect was even more agitating. And don't even get me started on the talking alien dude.

Look, I did not go into Land of the Lost hoping to find some sort of realistic scientific adventure comedy. I wanted Will Ferrell and Danny McBride in ridiculous situations BEING FUNNY. Not just the two in ridiculous situations. I tried not to focus on how dumb the plot was, but it's impossible to hide. It was like somebody took George Lucas, hit him over the head 100 times, spun him around 50 times, dropped him off a cliff onto jagged rocks, then gave him 3 pills of ectasy and ASKED HIM TO PEN A SCRIPT. Awful. Just awful. I actually wanted to cut the entire movie screen into pieces. Some of you may be saying, "Mike, if it was so bad, coudl you really do any better?" Possibly. But I guarantee you if you gave me $100 million to make a movie it would be a hell of a lot better than Land Of The Lost.

I wanted to punch all three people clapping at the end of the movie for doing so. The only thing a human being should say positive about the film was its CGI. The special effects were breathtakingly detailed and in depth. It's a good-looking failure, I'll give somebody that. But whoever dished out that much money for a movie like this, which, from the start, had no chance of raking in any sort of money beyond $50 million, is beyond me. Although I have blamed a lot of people during this rant, the one who ruined the film ultimately was the editor Peter Teschner. It felt like a terrible episode of SNL, with random, unrelated bits and scenes piled on top of one another with hardly any continuity at all. Surely you've stopped reading this entire article, but if you did, I pray for you that you save your money. Don't even waste the time to watch it for free online somewhere. Let's all hope this is not the beginning of the end of Will Ferrell. If his late-night show appearances are any indication, he's still funny. SO START TAKING FUNNY ROLES!!!

out of 5 piles of dinosaur crap

    

I decided to skip out on my Up review, but that's not because it was bad. No, it was a great movie, but there's nothing I care to elaborate on. Typical Pixar movie. Best animated film of the year with a nice storyline and jaw-dropping visuals. The dog was the only real funny character in an otherwise great animated drama. Now, on to the opposite type of humor. Crude, hilarious 20-something humor. The Hangover.
I recently discussed what it takes to make the perfect comedy and frankly, this qualifies as a perfect comedy. I laughed from beginning to end and that's rare in a comedy. Just wait until the credits roll and you're really going to crack up. Usually you have to wait 10-15 minutes for the humor to really kick in, but not with The Hangover. What made this movie so funny was also what will force much of its audience to cringe. There's an insane amount of profanity in The Hangover. It gets to a point where even I wondered why they had to throw that pointless f-word in the sentence. But who cares!? Honestly, dialogue just feels/sounds more realistic with useless cussing.



But there's more to this movie than just funny dialogue. Simply put, the plot is great. There really are no plot holes and that's the point. As extreme and out there as the events that unfold get, I never felt the need to roll my eyes. I was skeptical of the Mike Tyson bit when I saw the trailers, thinking he was just a random cameo that served no purpose. No, instead he plays a pivotal role in the evolution of the plot. To be honest, Tyson can kind of act. Every single supporting role and small character was played to perfection. They all stood out with memorable performances and that's saying a lot. Typically, you see four or five passing roles in a comedy, with only one or two actually being funny. The Hangover had at least four good ones.                                            

You have to enjoy a comedy that treats you as if you've got a brain, though. It's nice to see characters that actually LOOK like they have a hangover from hell. The plot actually makes sense, bringing a sort of Dude Where's My Car feeling to the audience. You unfold what happened the night before in real-time, with the main characters, instead of hokey flashbacks and unbelievable antics. I constantly tried to figure it out before them, but when the location of their missing friend was uncovered, even I was surprised. There was only one moment throughout the entire film that I kind of looked away and didn't care much for and it went by quick enough that I just don't care. Also, the soundtrack was lazy and just a combination of hit songs, rather than an original score. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. Either way, The Hangover is easily the best comedy out right now, amidst horrible reviews on Will Ferrell's apparent bust (I'll be the judge of that). I would argue The Hangover is a top 5 comedy of the last 5 years. It's a testament to Director Todd Phillips' ability after the obviously amazing Old School. I'm starting to wonder if he's actually the best comedic moviemaker out there right now. Actually, scratch that. Todd Phillips IS the best. Judd Apatow can suck it.

out of 5 tigers

This is more fun than I anticipated. I really wish I could rap these. Kanye West performing Heartless Nutless

******ed. note: YES, I WROTE ALL THESE LYRICS!


That one night I heard him talk, the worst idea he ever told
Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul
Now he wants me nutless.
How could you make me nutless?
How could you make me nutless?

How could you be so cold?
As the poodle on 5th street yo
Just remember that I got the sharp teeth though
You need to start giving me extra treats yo

I mean after all the things that I chewed through
I mean after all the dog kisses I gave you.
Hey yo, I know some nights I can be loud yo
Hey yo, I did some things but I can change yo

And now you wanna cut my balls off and control me
So you walk around like you own me
You had man’s best friend, well I got homies
But in the end it's still just us two

The night before the cut, I sat and licked my balls all night long
It was my last time ever to do so, because
Now he wants me nutless.
How could you make me nutless?
How could you make me nutless?

You really don’t have to do this.
You’re cutting off my dangling participle
How would you feel losin your manhood
Wait, why does he need that big needle

Really, why does he need that needle?
Homie, I don't know, I’m feelin dizzy now yo
I won't sleep, won’t lose my nutsack
'Cause I don’t know where it’s gon’ go.

Where the hell you goin, you’re really leavin' me?
When I wake up I better see you next to me
Maybe wait a couple months then rethink this
You'll never find no balls bigger than deez nuts.

I’m passing out, when I wake up, I’ll have no nuts, it’s kinda sad,
Just to think I’ll be a bitch forever nowww
How could he want me nutless.
How could he want me nutless?
How could he want me nutless?

Snip, snip, snip, snip, cut them off
Babies I now cannot make
When can I get back to humping
Maybe they won’t know I’m missing them.

So I got nothin’ down there to see.
And dogs just gon' keep hatin' me
And we just gon' be enemies

I really just can’ttttt believe
How great I feeeel right now
Master, you’re always righttttt
I'm gon' take off tonight
And sleep on my back, alrightttt?

In the night I hear 'em talk, the spirit of the nuts I lost
Somewhere down the road, I’ll join them in heaven
Now he’s got me nutless.
I hope you like me nutless
I hope you like me nutless

Continuing this strange day of remixing musical hits into dog-related songs, here is Lady Gag with Just Dance Hump

I know this song is old, but I felt like remaking it. And although my rapping skills are not, howyousay?, ill, apparently I have a future as a rap lyricist. Well, maybe not. Either way, enjoy this remix of Jamie Foxx's (or is it Foxxes? Foxx'?) song Blame It. The original song is below, with the lyrics below that. If I can muster up the courage and the ability, I will do a full Eisentower30 version!

*Keep in mind, you'll need to take some liberties on the speed of the lyrics to make it work, but it does.*