Watching Transformers 2 must be what it's like to watch two gorgeous women fistfight at a bar as glass shatters, sirens blare, people scream, and immature onlookers make untimely and corny jokes. Meanwhile, people mindlessly throw their money at the video footage making it the undeserving "hit" it never should have been. I can't think of a better metaphor, so stick with that one. Michael Bay's follow-up to his unexpectedly impressive movie about toys has its moments, but overall is as weak as a Wheat Thin. It feels like a mish-mash of his older, better movies after somebody with questionable brain capacity wiped his butt with all the scripts, taped them together and handed it in. I would be absolutely ashamed to attach my name to a movie of this caliber, UNLESS I am in the visual design corner of Transformers (or Michael Bay's financial advisor). On numerous occasions, Revenge of the Fallen made me doubt my passion to become a part of the industry. But shortly after I reminded myself that I seek to distract audiences from mindless eye candy like this. Transformers 2 is further proof that studios should never rush a script and need to restrain themselves better.

                                                                         THE GOOD

Shia LaBeouf: Once again, this kid is a genius with words. I've always said it and he continues to back me up, that the young star of Even Stevens can take any script and inject life and passion into his characters in a believable way. Every word he speaks in film feels true and I would hang on each one. He is a rich man and deservedly so, but I am disappointed that LaBeouf has fallen into the trap of "action star" and can't seem to find his way into true drama. When you think about his resume of roles, he rarely takes gambles with characters and it's a sad sight. I Robot, Disturbia, Transformers 1 & 2, Indiana Jones 5. These are his major roles. If you missed Shia in The Greatest Game Ever Played, you'll see his depth as an actor, but you won't because it's a weak movie and you just now heard of it. What a waste of talent.

Visual Spectacle: There's not much to be said about how gorgeous TF2 is on the big screen. I can imagine the IMAX Experience is even more jaw-dropping, but this is to be expected by now. It's 2009 and movies are coming up (like James Cameron's Avatar) that will once again change the industry and introduce a new world of visual effects. Either way, TF2 is a masterpiece of digital imagery and Michael Bay has always had great lighting and cinematography.

The U.S. Military: Michael Bay got the green light to use whatever military equipment he desired and boy did he take advantage. I thought nothing would make a grander show of the United States war machine than his very own Pearl Harbor, but he has made it a true challenge to make a badass war epic now. Our military looks like a never-ending canvas of beautiful machinery with badass soldiers and awesome tactical decisions, with an apparent movie-necessity moron bureaucrat.

The Who Is Hotter? Debate: I won't get into it, but I had a pleasant time trying to decide if the "new girl" in the movie was actually sexier than Megan Fox. Talk amongst yourselves.

THE TERRIBLE

There really is not enough time in your day for me to list all that is wrong with this movie, so allow me to condense it for you (you'll laugh at that comment when I'm through). In no specific order and with no real journalistic pattern, please enjoy some reasons I couldn't stand this movie...*To be read at a high rate of speed, similar to that of me yelling this at my keyboard!

It felt like a copy of Armageddon in every way...The dialogue was atrocious, and at times, completely insulting to the viewer and stereotypical to a fault. Actually, it was arguably racist (see gold-toothed, Southern-accented, twin Autobots)...The plot was impossible to follow...The parents have become an overused gag. The pot brownies scene with the mom was outlandish, although funny at times...Ridiculous subplots include: The whole "I Love You" thing, the entire college roommate's existence in the movie (did girls really need more eye candy?), the fact that the military still uses "normal" weaponry against these robots, the entire robot cover-up (which is ludicrous in this day and age), and Megan Fox's white jeans staying clean no matter what (James Bond-esque?)...PRINCETON IS INHABITED ONLY BY INSANELY BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE AND IS A CRAZY PARTY SCHOOL WHERE THESE PARTIES (full of 18 year olds, by the way) SEEM TO BE FUNDED BY P. DIDDY...Michael Bay has absolutely no capability to hold back with anything in this movie. Where this has been good for his action in the past, it was overwhelmingly annoying in T2...Bay used Barack Obama as the President instead of just a fictional one apparently because he "met him in an airport at one point in his life." Well, if you are going to create an obviously fictional world set in present day, either use real politicians or don't. Don't mix the two. It's f—-ing annoying when Obama is President and then they use some clearly fake White House speaker. Why not just use Obama stock footage?...If you love your boyfriend and your dad is a no-good repeat prisoner, why in god's name would you NOT follow your man to college? I'm sorry, but you can be a car mechanic anywhere Mikaela...The entire "cheating on her" sequence was stupid to say the least. But i was pleased to see her understand the situation so easily. Most movie girls see a glimpse of some wrongdoing totally out of context and assume the worst, only never to speak to the man again without allowing any sort of explanation...Nothing makes me more angry than movie characters sporting canes and limps and other physical faults only to later be masterful in combat and use the cane with ease as a weapon. If you need a cane, you would not be able to fight...I hate this one with a passion. If we need further "evidence" of something, like a cane for an old robot or camels to show its Egypt and not Vegas, then don't even bother with anything at all...So happy to see Dwight Schrute make an appearance as the Princeton professor, but after the scene I was simply annoyed. Explain a college Astronomy professor whose first-day lecture is composed entirely of sexual wink-winks to his absurdly good-looking students, especially considering the "Dean" was present...I have no idea how this movie made it under an R-rating as they say plenty of foul language including "pussy", "bitch" (directly towards a female), "shit," etc...I honestly got tired during the film. Even DURING action scenes it got boring...THE MUSIC! Oh, the music. It fell by the wayside. Something that made the original Transformers so awesome was the intense and prevalent music throughout. Instead, I hardly noticed it and to me, music is a crucial aspect of a great film. Especially action.



Overall, Transformers 2 looked like a rushed studio-forced project that had a budget only used to return big-name actors and enahcne an already visually perfect film. I love the first Transformers, but I think now that was because I was so surprised by it. I know sequeuls are hard to do, but lately we've been proven wrong by big-budget follow-ups. I went in hoping to see Michael Bay pull a Bad Boys 2 (also reference in the movie in embarassing fashion) and create a sequel with bigger, badder, faster action and guess what? I GOT IT! So why am I so upset? Because it felt like somebody took my matinee movie ticket and gave me paper cuts all over my body for the entire 150 minutes of the film. I'm genuinely happy to hear that Michael Bay has decided to move away from the Transforermers franchise. Thanks man. You're doing us all a favor!

  out of 5 trophies